Guides

The world can be frightening for a person with dyspraxia. It is common for dyspraxics to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. For me, the world doesn't make sense because things change. I don't mean that things actually change but my perception of them does. I've mentioned before that on occasion I don't recognize places that I've seen before which seems to be a spatial problem. Then add in the short term memory problems, an impaired ability to plan actions and failures in the past and you have a recipe for anxiety. There are times when I just can't figure out what I should do next or what steps to take and am paralyzed by indecision.

I've realized that I use guides to help me with these problems. These are people in my life who understand how difficult some things are for me. As a child, there are many guides to teach children how to behave in the world. Parents are usually the first guides and they teach children how to react to new situations by taking the lead and being an example. A child begins to learn and attain confidence in their environment. Once school begins, teachers are the main guides. For me, this was the time when things started to be more difficult. I was one of many children under their care and "immature". I had difficulties with a number of teachers even after I was identified as having coordination problems. There was an expectation that I would catch up to my peers and if I didn't, it was because I didn't try hard enough. Peers become the most important guides later and children are not always kind to those who are different.

I've realized that as an adult, I've had a number of guides. These are people who know that I don't want to go first into a strange place. They give me directions that most people would find excessive. If I ask where a bathroom is in a restaurant, these people know better than to just point. They tell me what I will pass on the way there and if there is anything that could throw me off. They even tell me how to get back. If I have to go into a new situation alone, they give me tips about processes and how things work. My friends and family help me in uncomfortable social situations by spending time talking to me and giving me a run-down on the other people present.

My wife, Pamela is my most frequent guide now. She always goes first into the unknown unless I am more familiar with an environment then she is. She is our public face in a sense. Naturally friendly and chatty, she is comfortable with strangers. She has an excellent memory for faces and can remind me of who people are. When we are driving (her driving since I don't) and I have the sudden panic of not knowing where I am, she will tell me. Pamela is kind of a scary guide though, she jumps into the unknown with little fear and I am stuck following (with enough fear for both of us and a few other people). If rules don't make sense to her, she circumvents them (apparently, when they say no returns at a store, they don't always mean it). Since we are such opposites in some ways, I have the opportunity to use my strengths. If a situation requires dealing with authority figures, following rules and instructions, negotiation or dealing with difficult people, I lead. I do have strengths and the best guides recognize those strengths and step back when I am the best person to handle things.

I didn't ask any of these people to help me and they don't know how dyspraxia interferes with my abilities in certain areas (or even that I have dyspraxia in some cases).  I'm not dependent on my guides however and without them I would still manage to navigate the world. With their presence and help, the world is much less difficult, stressful and anxiety provoking. These are people who accept me the way that I am and understand that I need help sometimes. I'm very lucky.