When I was a child, I had a lot of trouble doing up buttons, snaps and shoelaces. I couldn't colour within the lines and forget cutting with scissors. Writing was onerous (to say the least). When I was in second grade (7yrs old), I began to receive support in school from an occupational therapist. I've been told that this is like a miracle since it was 1972 and even today people have trouble getting help. I was told that my small muscles were underdeveloped. The focus of the OT sessions was on developing and strengthening those muscles. I improved an after 2 or 3 years, I didn't receive support any more but my teachers had been educated about my difficulties and on the most part were very supportive. My other difficulties such as my spatial sense were ignored entirely - I got lost easily and often couldn't remember where my classroom was if I started out from a different direction than usual. I loved running and jumping but I randomly tripped on nothing or careened into stationary objects. I had a lot of trouble learning my left and right (more than most kids). I had anxiety problems. I was socially immature and had difficulties with other children. By 9 I had friends, but my relationships weren't really that good for me.
Fast forward to the middle of sixth grade (11 yrs old) when my family moved from British Columbia to Ontario. I've seen the transfer papers and they don't mention anything about my previous difficulties. They did mention my high reading levels and verbal skills so expectations were high. I struggled with many subjects and received my very first "she does not live up to her potential" on a report card. My anxiety became a bigger problem (I missed a lot of school because I felt sick to my stomach and didn't want to vomit at school - in retrospect, this was clearly an anxiety issue). I was still immature and awkward socially which was very painful. At 14, I started suffering from depression.
Fast forward to university before the personal-computer age (1985). Until the final draft, all the work of an essay was handwritten. Handwriting hurt my hand and unless I wrote slowly and carefully, I couldn't read my draft. When I typed the final copy, I made spelling mistakes regularly and there was no spell check to call my attention to it. I also made mistakes because of the messy handwritten drafts. I was trying very hard to be like everyone else and failing miserably. My depression and anxiety became huge problems. After four years of failures and frustration, I dropped out of school having only passed enough credits to be half way through a four year degree.
Fast forward to the affordable PC age. Two years later, after a lot of reflection and spending time in the workforce, I returned to school. I also was able to get a PC. I attended school at 60% a normal workload to help manage my depression and anxiety. I took control of many aspects of my life (living conditions, job etc.). My grades in school went from mostly C, D, F to As and Bs. For the first time since I was 11, I believed that I might be smart. I finished my undergraduate degree and went to grad school where I did very well. In a poor economy, it took me a while to find the perfect job but eventually I did (or very close to perfect anyway).
Until recently I thought that I had a childhood difficulty with coordinating my small muscles. I've come to realize over the last few years that my difficulties didn't go away. I have difficulties and not just in coordination. I have trouble planning my work day. I break and drop things - a lot. I can get lost almost anywhere. I have continued to suffer from depression and anxiety and many of my old problems. I began to realize that I have a problem in certain areas. I did some research (I love you internet) and ran across two terms Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) and Dyspraxia (used interchangeablly sometimes although DCD is diagnosed in North America and dyspraxia almost everywhere else). Suddenly, my life made sense. I can see dyspraxia/DCD in the pattern of my life. I prefer the term dyspraxia because it seems to encompass more of my difficulties.
I'm starting this blog to think and talk about dysprxia and hopefully to learn more about myself.
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